Building Loving relationships

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve on the silence?

Many of our experiences of Love, Sex and Intimacy are linked unconsciously to feelings of shame; guilt or fear. We do not always recognise that our thoughts about these can  prevent us from fully expressing and receiving Love. Many people have not been taught how to talk about sex and sexuality in a healthy and empowering way. This causes a lot of suffering because of our lack of skill, it can create Sexual and Intimacy based difficulties in relationships. Many people were not taught how to love and express their needs in a healthy ways. We learn through observing and experiencing the relationship between and with parents, siblings, caregivers and significant individuals, whom may not have been competent at managing and expressing themselves. Many individuals and couples lack the mature emotional skills set because of their experiences. Concerns about sex and intimacy are common. The weekend workshop explores your unconscious emotional responses and repetitive relational dynamics including the messages you learnt about Love, Sex and Intimacy which possibly has been passed down generation after generation in your family, society, culture. The past only remains so when it no longer affects us in negative ways in the ‘here and now’. You can usually trace your emotional inheritance back to the original dysfunctions within your family. People tend to model themselves on their parents as they are very important role models in your life. Did you see your parents holding hands and expressing tenderness with each other? Did you observe them expressing anger and  resolving  conflict in a healthy way? Perhaps they were emotionally immature like so many people. They were only doing what they have been taught and it was their best at the time. You may have experienced similar difficulties and  challenges in meeting your needs in relationships as an adult. During Living from The Heart Workshops you will move towards becoming more conscious of the underlying dynamics that drive your emotional responses. You will learn to recognise and express your feelings in healthier ways, expanding your sense of self and your repertoire of responses in your relationship. Consequently you and your relationship become more nourishing and nourished. [toggle title=”Living from The Heart teaches you the Language of Emotions.” collapse=”collapse”] Emotions are physical sensations associated with thoughts in your mind. Essentially they are your mind/body experience. Emotions relate to your self-image. How you identify yourself, relates to your thoughts and what you prioritise and choices you make. Your choices reinforce your view of yourself and others. Your emotions provide a signal alerting you when your sense of self is being challenged or reinforced. Self-image for some people is closely related to their physical body. Their choices and priorities may be motivated with maintaining an appearance, they will prioritise working out at the gym, concerning themselves with their appearance what they wear, they follow what they believe is the best diet. Any perceived threat to their sense of physical identity for example if someone criticises the way they look, generates discomfort. Other people may get their self-image and esteem from their job or career. These people are goal orientated. If they perceive a threat to their role, such as the potential job loss or forced career change, their mind/body system produces feelings of distress. For others their identity is based predominantly on their set of beliefs. They experience distress when their core beliefs or spiritual practices are challenged or dismissed, for example if someone undermines their religious or political views Your sense of identity throughout your life changes, thankfully as we develop and mature. Your sense of self elicits various emotional and physical responses Especially when you perceive a threat and need to protect your sense of self. Whatever you decide is your diet, sexuality, beliefs, choice of lifestyle, your position, or your views will determine what you ‘feel’ you need to defend. Threats that challenge your sense of self and identity generate sensations. You may feel fear or insecurity, helplessness or anger. You may experience feelings or not being good enough or being unlovable. You may get angry. These sensations are our emotions or feelings. [/toggle]   [toggle title=”Two basic emotions Love and Fear” collapse=”collapse”]

We have the capacity for two basic feelings—those of love or fear. Emotions are messages your body sends to your mind emanating from your sense of self. Why you feel the way you do?

Everyone at sometime is driven by either Fear or Love. Your sense of self is the source that generates ease or dis – ease and is unique to each individual. Awareness, Self Love and Good Self Esteem is the master-key.

Ask yourself:

What determines my experiences and relationships as safe or unsafe?

This is a way to begin to bring your unconscious responses into your conscious awareness.

Your needs determine your emotional responses. When you begin to recognise and communicate your needs more consciously you begin to experience greater emotional aliveness that flows from mastering the ability to clearly communicate what you want in life. Remember that these are  learnt responses. If you are not currently skilled in this area, the likely hood is that you were taught by people who did not have the skills. YOU CAN LEARN NEW ONES!

The better you become at communicating your needs, the more likely you are to get them met. Consequently your emotional wellness improves greatly.

Distress is usually experienced when certain outcomes are not aligned with your intentions.In other words when your experiences fall short or do not fulfil your expectations. (See live-your-life-with-intention)

This emotional upset is caused by an unmet need or to when someone challenges our sense of self.

[/toggle] Practice makes perfect Love Is a Practice. It is a skill that improves with practice. When you consciously identify and communicate your expectations, you are more likely to create and attract healthy loving relationships. When you listen to the wisdom of your heart you can allow it to guide you towards higher expressions of love. You are invited to join me to learn more… The Heart of Relationships  weekend I will introduce ways to help you to develop a healthy sense of sexuality and desire. Learn to identify your emotions and get your needs met in a healthy manner. It will explore the possibilities for experiencing greater depth and nourishment in your relationships. Explore feelings that arise when you meet challenges including shame that may prevent you from having an enjoyable sexual relationships. Find ways of overcoming barriers to better relationships. The workshop is open to all regardless of sexual orientation or if you are in a committed relationship or single.